Are You In or Out?
Have you ever felt like you’re doing all the right things but your wheels are just spinning? You’ve invested a lot of time into a business, a job, a relationship, a sport, a course of study, but the results don’t justify the effort or time. You have so much invested, you just can’t walk away. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it doesn’t seem to be getting closer. What to do, what to do?
As a business/personal coach I hear feedback every week from those who feel frustrated, powerless, and stuck in one or more areas. The reasons, or justifications for continuing doing things they tolerate rather than love are many. But, like panic attacks, unless you address the issues and make changes they get worse and you get more of them. For most, not paying attention and continuing in the same direction is a mind numbing experience, which produces a low self-esteem and is a recipe for a boring life.
Ask yourself the question, “What area or areas of my life am I tolerating and simply taking the path of least resistance?” In other words, “Where am I painting by the numbers?” (That’s a reference to the over 50 reader.) Without being defensive (that’s the part of the ego that says everything is all right and points the finger of blame outward rather than to the real inward source) are there areas in which you’d like to be more passionate, confident and more in tune?
When I ask those who feel stuck or trapped if they know what to do to make the positive change, most every – one knows their own truths. Knowing and doing are very different. As Khalil Gibran once said, “To know yet not to do is to not really know.” And most are honest enough to admit that they’ve lost their vision of what was important and let distractions get in the way. (Damn those bright shiny objects!)
A remedy that works most of the time is to refocus by identifying the area of concern, setting a short term goal (such as six months), creating a plan of action and following through like your hair’s on fire for that period of time. Six months simply represents a period of time to get past the learning curve of establishing new attitudes and actions.
At the end of the six months, do a reality check. Is the success you’ve created by doing things right without excuses worth the effort you’ve put in? Or, was the victory not so satisfying? If not, move on to something else. But whether you stay focused on your successful makeover or decide to move on, you decide KNOWING, not playing mental gymnastics with yourself. Not knowing is the pain of guilt many carry. “What if?!”
Passion, confidence and a positive self-esteem don’t develop by working on them, they happen by creating victories.
Keys to getting unstuck:
1) Be willing to own your short comings and poor attitude as well as your strengths. The truth CAN set you free.
2) Be teachable and open to learn better ways of thinking and acting. Learn from those ahead of you, not the ones behind you.
3) Associate with those who will support, not tear you down.
4) Consistently read or go to seminars, from those who have done their homework, to get new ideas and reinforce the basics.
5) Accountability buddies and coach – ing work. Live up to goals.
6) Visualize the success you desire. Top performers do this in every field. Do it too…with consistency.
By Barry Eisen